Parents in the age ofUnspoken expectations clear
MIRROR KNOW has developed an eight-week care-Coaching, which helps to accompany the elderly parents in a competent manner. This is the sixth part. The other parts can be found here.
What to do if parents are in need of care? Who would take care of you, and to what extent? And children their parents are not, generally, help guilty? It comes to the question of how adult children can support their elderly parents in a competent, resonate, always unspoken norms and expectations in relation to the “correct” way of dealing with old and needy people.
In the previous weeks of this coaching, you have probably get a very good sense of the question, such as help for older parents-to-be could be specifically, is best solved in a communication process with all Stakeholders.
However, the unspoken expectations of themselves and others swinging in the contact between adult children and aging parents with often. Typically, children who live far away from parents, but are responsible for their care feel. Or parents who don’t want in a home, and implicitly assume that one of the children “will be taken care of” or to even take them.
These expectations brakes, then often the solution or you become a sort of taboo. You are not, or only to hint to come to the table and thereby hinder development.
The following Exercises can help you in anticipation of clarification:
What’s up, what’s up? Collect some of the unspoken expectations that you, yourself, to the Phase when your parents old and in need of care. And consider also, what are the implicit expectations have noticed in relation to this time you with your parents. Here you will find some typical examples:
On the part of the parents:
- I don’t want in a home.
- I’m the only of my children to care for.
- Of you children, I expect you to take care of me – I haven’t done a lot for you.
- If I’m going to need, then I want you to take a in my area or that I can draw to you.
- If my Partner dies, I want you to care more about me.
- I want you to take care of my house and my possessions, eventually you’re going to inherit all this time.
- My daughter-in-law is taking care of me once she is on site.
- You’re going to take care of me – you’re on-the-spot.
On the part of the children:
- Cultivate – the power of my sister, who lives in the vicinity of my parents.
- My sister-in-law is a housewife – she can take care of, and by the care of money a little money.
- Sure, I can come over, but rather once a week than every day.
- I live far away, the daily maintenance will take the service provider.
- I want to contribute to the care of my parents, but I also have my own life.
- I am happy to assume many of the tasks around the shopping, the gardening, etc., The physical care of my parents, I can’t imagine.
- I want to take care of me so much it’s my parents, if you need my help.
Have you found the expectations that your family apply? Well. Then you consider, in the next step, how realistic your own expectations are and how realistic the expectations of their parents. You lead it at the appropriate opportunity for an open conversation with your parents.
The father and mother are still very fit, there is no time pressure. Then you may want to carry with you here and now to consider when you have this conversation in the next few months. Your parents are already in a situation where you need support, try to talk as soon as possible with you.
Tip: The conversation is not in a large official family round. Go explore the respective unspoken expectations go back to in a clear but casual conversation in the common Working or walking.
Read more on the subject at the MIRROR :
Experience report by a granddaughter: my mother in the care makes broken
Important is the type of communication: Try to see in the conversation is always the wishes and needs of the specific expectations of their parents. Who says that he wants only his children to care for, be expressing a need for closeness and caring. You try to recognise this and to work together to find solutions to such needs into account.
In spite of everything, it is important to clearly present what they themselves want to give and where your own limits are. And: It must be found in the first step, no perfect solutions. The primary issue is that the expectations may be disclosed and to involve them in the overall situation actively.
We wish you courage and joy on the way to new plans and solutions with your parents.
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